I got married.
This supposed to be a happy thing.
And for a very short while it was.
I guess I should have seen the early signs, a few things that were done before he put a ring on it, but I was dumb back then and I won't get into just how much so.
Tick time forward 7 years.
It took him that long to get really bad, and for me to come out of the fog I was living in because of a childhood trauma.
Suddenly I was the bad person. The reason we failed and lost the house. None of that could have been caused by the fact he kept quitting jobs and not paying the space rent. NO! I was the bad person. But, only, I wasn't.
I took a mcjob but it wasn't enough. I tried though. Burned through the 8k my dad left me. Still, somehow, it was me that caused everything. And I had no way out so we fought about paying the bills and how bad I was.
I would get upset, he would threaten me with a psyche hold or calling the cops saying that I had laid hands him. I only decked him twice cause he wouldn't let me leave a room when I was trying to get away from him belittling me for the umpteenth time. And on one of those occasions as I was getting past him, he tried to strangle me in a choke hold. SOMeone heard me yelling, called the cops and I lied to the cops because I had no money and nowhere to go.
And so it went until I was in one of my FB groups and learned of narcs.
I was floored to know how bad he really was. I mean, let's be real here, we are all narcs to a point, but mine is DSM-V classic hitting on all but 3 of the qualifiers. To say I had a panic attack was mild. If I had the money I would have gathered up my boys and left right then and there. But here I sit still with no way out.
I will be fixing that and the funny thing is the narc thinks I am doing it for him. I said stop laughing. I won't go into details right now but there is a plan in place.
The way he ruined me is now I feel like its all my fault. I know I should have never told him about my abusive childhood but I wanted to honest. I had no idea it would be used against me. I will never tell again unless I 100% have to.
I am also car paranoid. A car comes into the park I have to make sure it's not coming here. Why you ask? Well, let me explain shorthand. 3, almost 4, evictions. The power has been cut 4 times this year alone, the phone 3 and is currently off. He pawned a bunch of unused electronics to get the net back so he could play his ego stroke game. I won't go there right now.
I don't answer the phone or the door anymore. I didn't cause this problem and I am tired of playing his games and being the one who has to listen to people get mad cause he ain't paid.
I am going back to work as soon as his new job gets the phone bill paid. I had to quit for a while due to an injury but I am all better now.
Still, my job won't be enough for him to laze around and play his video game all day and night.
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