Dear YKWYA;
Thank you for deliberately and maliciously reversing years of progress.
At one time I was ever so grateful to you for helping me get to where I would accept adult human affection after what had been done to me. I was so glad for that.
Then on Oct 22 or 23, (due to the trauma of the event I just can't recall the exact date), you decide to overreact, more than I did, (i will address that in a moment), and now I am again afraid of adult human touch and interaction.
What you perceived as an attack was nothing more than a few light taps to get your attention, which I have to do a lot with you. Maybe the meds you are on are making your skin extra sensitive. I do not know. But LMN overreaction much? You acted like I had shot, stabbed, or was always hitting you. All of which are fallacies.
I have to tell you this way as you refuse to acknowledge any research I do if I talk to you. You would rather fight. So here goes. As you know I have C/PTSD. You know the stuff so I won't waste our time. Anyway, SSL, people have always been allowed to take my stuff. My brain went thru 3 stages that night, the first flashback to my stuff being taken away for fun, phase 2 panic and paranoia that it was happening again, and 3 (which I hate BTW) anger violence attack because I/it am/are tired of that shit (people taking my stuff).
This realization does not make it any more right from MY SIDE but makes your side absolutely bizarre and ridiculously acted out. Like I said, maybe you were having troubles that night too and perfect storm collision. I dunno.
I want anxiety meds that I can take when these things happen (I wish I had some weed). I would have taken one when I felt anxiety that night. I do not appreciate when my brain trips balls. I truly just wanted to ask a simple calm question and my idiot brain flipped biscuits. But then, so did yours, only a helluva lot worse.
We need to communicate. PURE AND SIMPLE. Divorce is not the answer, communication is. I want it, I do not believe you do.
Thursday, October 26, 2017
Thursday, October 12, 2017
HOW LIVING WITH A NARCISSIST HAS DAMAGED ME
I got married.
This supposed to be a happy thing.
And for a very short while it was.
I guess I should have seen the early signs, a few things that were done before he put a ring on it, but I was dumb back then and I won't get into just how much so.
Tick time forward 7 years.
It took him that long to get really bad, and for me to come out of the fog I was living in because of a childhood trauma.
Suddenly I was the bad person. The reason we failed and lost the house. None of that could have been caused by the fact he kept quitting jobs and not paying the space rent. NO! I was the bad person. But, only, I wasn't.
I took a mcjob but it wasn't enough. I tried though. Burned through the 8k my dad left me. Still, somehow, it was me that caused everything. And I had no way out so we fought about paying the bills and how bad I was.
I would get upset, he would threaten me with a psyche hold or calling the cops saying that I had laid hands him. I only decked him twice cause he wouldn't let me leave a room when I was trying to get away from him belittling me for the umpteenth time. And on one of those occasions as I was getting past him, he tried to strangle me in a choke hold. SOMeone heard me yelling, called the cops and I lied to the cops because I had no money and nowhere to go.
And so it went until I was in one of my FB groups and learned of narcs.
I was floored to know how bad he really was. I mean, let's be real here, we are all narcs to a point, but mine is DSM-V classic hitting on all but 3 of the qualifiers. To say I had a panic attack was mild. If I had the money I would have gathered up my boys and left right then and there. But here I sit still with no way out.
I will be fixing that and the funny thing is the narc thinks I am doing it for him. I said stop laughing. I won't go into details right now but there is a plan in place.
The way he ruined me is now I feel like its all my fault. I know I should have never told him about my abusive childhood but I wanted to honest. I had no idea it would be used against me. I will never tell again unless I 100% have to.
I am also car paranoid. A car comes into the park I have to make sure it's not coming here. Why you ask? Well, let me explain shorthand. 3, almost 4, evictions. The power has been cut 4 times this year alone, the phone 3 and is currently off. He pawned a bunch of unused electronics to get the net back so he could play his ego stroke game. I won't go there right now.
I don't answer the phone or the door anymore. I didn't cause this problem and I am tired of playing his games and being the one who has to listen to people get mad cause he ain't paid.
I am going back to work as soon as his new job gets the phone bill paid. I had to quit for a while due to an injury but I am all better now.
Still, my job won't be enough for him to laze around and play his video game all day and night.
This supposed to be a happy thing.
And for a very short while it was.
I guess I should have seen the early signs, a few things that were done before he put a ring on it, but I was dumb back then and I won't get into just how much so.
Tick time forward 7 years.
It took him that long to get really bad, and for me to come out of the fog I was living in because of a childhood trauma.
Suddenly I was the bad person. The reason we failed and lost the house. None of that could have been caused by the fact he kept quitting jobs and not paying the space rent. NO! I was the bad person. But, only, I wasn't.
I took a mcjob but it wasn't enough. I tried though. Burned through the 8k my dad left me. Still, somehow, it was me that caused everything. And I had no way out so we fought about paying the bills and how bad I was.
I would get upset, he would threaten me with a psyche hold or calling the cops saying that I had laid hands him. I only decked him twice cause he wouldn't let me leave a room when I was trying to get away from him belittling me for the umpteenth time. And on one of those occasions as I was getting past him, he tried to strangle me in a choke hold. SOMeone heard me yelling, called the cops and I lied to the cops because I had no money and nowhere to go.
And so it went until I was in one of my FB groups and learned of narcs.
I was floored to know how bad he really was. I mean, let's be real here, we are all narcs to a point, but mine is DSM-V classic hitting on all but 3 of the qualifiers. To say I had a panic attack was mild. If I had the money I would have gathered up my boys and left right then and there. But here I sit still with no way out.
I will be fixing that and the funny thing is the narc thinks I am doing it for him. I said stop laughing. I won't go into details right now but there is a plan in place.
The way he ruined me is now I feel like its all my fault. I know I should have never told him about my abusive childhood but I wanted to honest. I had no idea it would be used against me. I will never tell again unless I 100% have to.
I am also car paranoid. A car comes into the park I have to make sure it's not coming here. Why you ask? Well, let me explain shorthand. 3, almost 4, evictions. The power has been cut 4 times this year alone, the phone 3 and is currently off. He pawned a bunch of unused electronics to get the net back so he could play his ego stroke game. I won't go there right now.
I don't answer the phone or the door anymore. I didn't cause this problem and I am tired of playing his games and being the one who has to listen to people get mad cause he ain't paid.
I am going back to work as soon as his new job gets the phone bill paid. I had to quit for a while due to an injury but I am all better now.
Still, my job won't be enough for him to laze around and play his video game all day and night.
Sunday, October 1, 2017
How the Person I Marrieds Decisions Have Put the Family In Danger
(This is real. My reality as current. And I do not care, once again, if you save this as it is the real truth.)
You!
By you I mean the person I married. You have made many bad decisions and I have stood up for you to others about them. As of today, October 1, 2017, that ends.
I am tired. The boys are tired.
You are done putting myself and my children in danger. The danger of aggression in public. The danger of losing our place of residence (3, almost 4 evictions is enough). The fear of losing the phone/internet. The fear of having the power cut, again (4 times in one year, that is truly pathetic and childish). But most importantly, the fear of no food. This you have done to us. Most importantly the children. Whom you claim to care so much about but really don't as they are not pixels in SL.
How many times I have thought about risking jail because of you and your childish choices.
But this latest choice has really done it for the boys and me. The choice has made you virtually unemployable. Sadly you knew this would happen and went forward with it anyway. More than likely hoping I would bend over and carry you. NOPE! NEVER GONNA HAPPEN! You haven't earned it!
I will go ahead and get my license back but ASAP you will either come home to or wake up to loneliness. Not like you didn't know this was coming anyway. I generally give warning before the attack.
We will be safe. And yes, it's legal for us to run from an abusive situation. So please feel free to call the police as they will know who you are, what you have done, and why we ran. You might think you will be able to tell your narcissistic BS to them and get me arrest for kidnapping but according to the law, it's not unless there's some kind of legal something going on. And the d won't be initiated until I feel safe enough to do so.
I am strong now. Deal with it.
And in the end ...
BYE
FELICIA!
You!
By you I mean the person I married. You have made many bad decisions and I have stood up for you to others about them. As of today, October 1, 2017, that ends.
I am tired. The boys are tired.
You are done putting myself and my children in danger. The danger of aggression in public. The danger of losing our place of residence (3, almost 4 evictions is enough). The fear of losing the phone/internet. The fear of having the power cut, again (4 times in one year, that is truly pathetic and childish). But most importantly, the fear of no food. This you have done to us. Most importantly the children. Whom you claim to care so much about but really don't as they are not pixels in SL.
How many times I have thought about risking jail because of you and your childish choices.
But this latest choice has really done it for the boys and me. The choice has made you virtually unemployable. Sadly you knew this would happen and went forward with it anyway. More than likely hoping I would bend over and carry you. NOPE! NEVER GONNA HAPPEN! You haven't earned it!
I will go ahead and get my license back but ASAP you will either come home to or wake up to loneliness. Not like you didn't know this was coming anyway. I generally give warning before the attack.
We will be safe. And yes, it's legal for us to run from an abusive situation. So please feel free to call the police as they will know who you are, what you have done, and why we ran. You might think you will be able to tell your narcissistic BS to them and get me arrest for kidnapping but according to the law, it's not unless there's some kind of legal something going on. And the d won't be initiated until I feel safe enough to do so.
I am strong now. Deal with it.
And in the end ...
BYE
FELICIA!
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